I’ll be the first to admit that I don’t know how the female mind works. I can hear many an “Amen!” from the male community. But I have a very strong sense of how the male mind works. Quite often it ain’t pretty. Were it not for a redeeming influence from one place or another, men are best not left to their own devices.
I bring this up in light of the questionable communication stream that has hindered the ministry (at least temporarily) of the megachurch pastor Matt Chandler. For those who missed the controversy, here’s a brief synopsis. The Village Church in Flower Mound, Texas, is where Matt has served as lead pastor. Several days ago, he announced on a Sunday morning that he “had an inappropriate online relationship with a woman.” As such, he decided to take an indefinite leave of absence from preaching and teaching.
Chandler felt it necessary to explain that the online relationship was not “sexual or romantic.” He also indicated that both his wife and the woman’s husband with whom he had exchanged “frequent and familiar direct messages” over Instagram were aware that these coumunications were going on. In retrospect, Chandler decided those messages were “unguarded and unwise” and “revealed something unhealthy in me.” It was the elders at the Village Church who advised stepping back from ministry. Chandler said he was grateful for the disciplined response.
This matter caused the typical Internet firestorm of activity with sideline prophets opining. Among the many items raised was the oft-quoted “Billy Graham Rule.” It would be more appropriate to source it as the Modesto Manifesto, in which Graham laid out his belief that, especially in ministry, men should avoid spending time alone with women to whom they are not married.
I would say that it makes a lot of sense. Truly, common sense. Men, being men, are the weaker gender when it comes to resisting sexual temptation. Moreover, even giving the appearance of impropriety becomes risky. It also keeps men from facing false allegations of crossing the line.
But wait. Can’t married men and women be allowed to simply have friends of the opposite sex outside of their spouse? That is precisely the issue that Bronwyn Lea wrote about in her Christianity Today article, “Sex Scandals and the Evangelical Mind.”
Keep in mind her focus is mainly for those who work in churches. To which she writes, “The mission of God depends on men and women faithfully working together in gospel work. We cannot afford to shrink back from that work just because we’re too afraid to put our hand to the plough with someone of the opposite sex.”
As a personal example, during the most recent twelve months of my work at our church there was but one other employee: a female admin. Most days we were the only two in the building. Neither of our marriage partners – or our church leadership – suggested any modification to this was needed.
I had female producers in my radio work on several occasions. Sometimes that meant traveling together in airplanes or cars. Bottom line, it’s tough to fully practice “the Billy Graham Rule” in business or ministry.
The risks for these relationships turning south can easily be defined. Asking questions like,
- How attracted (physically or emotionally) are you to the coworker?
- Are you spending too much time one-on-one?
- Are others noticing any behavioral shifts in you?
- Are you texting off hours on non-work related messages?
- Are you having any spouse issues that put you at risk?
- Is the other party sending you any signals of bad intentions?
1 Thessalonians 5:22 states, “Abstain from all appearance of evil.” (KJV) Billy Graham understood the magnitude of that verse. And it served him well. We should all be so advised.
That’s Forward Thinking.
You can find a number of YouTube episodes and podcasts of Mark’s program, Moving People Forward at https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCosyuBzdSh1mXIas_kGY2Aw?
For more information on the Elfstrand Group, please visit www.elfstrandgroup.com
Articles of interest:
church-evangelical-mind.html?utm_source=CT+Daily+Briefing+Newsletter&utm_medium=Newsletter&utm_term=227257&utm_content=10694&utm_campaign=email
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