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Monday, February 21, 2022

Need Friends?


I’ve seen them in many places and you have likely as well. It’s the t-shirt carrying the classic Friends television show logo. Not sure why it’s popular. Is it because the wearers love the old program? Or…are they simply advocates for friendship?

I’ve never seen a single episode of Friends. Maybe a highlight or two. The sitcom aired for ten seasons on NBC, ending on May 6, 2004. For the uninformed (like me) the show revolved around six friends in their 20s and 30s who lived in New York City. Some fairly well known talent made up the cast. I shall digress no further.

Instead, I would simply say I am an advocate for having “friends.” Sounds trite, doesn’t it? That’s because surface level friends abound. Really good, lasting, gold standard friendships are much more rare. They take time, energy, and effort to develop and sustain.

I know a bit about this. I have one childhood friend remaining. One. Not a single high school friend remains in close contact. (Yes, a few Facebook friends from that era.) I spent four years in the military. Many “friends.” Only a handful are on my “active friends” list.

In fairness, my family did move around a fair amount. We lived in several different states. Ironically, I still have a number of true friends in each of those states: California, Texas, Pennsylvania, and here in Illinois.

I spent more than 18 years in broadcasting in Chicago at two different radio stations. My lasting friendships from all those days working together are minimal. Those relationships seemed real at the time.

I’ve now been at our church in both a leadership and staff position since 2005. Truth be told, I have several “friends” – all surface level. From my previous time at another church in five years, I still connect with three “good friends.”

My closest long-standing friendships were developed in a small group I initiated in Pittsburgh. Perhaps all told we had 15 men participating at one time or another. I’ve been gone from that group for more than twenty years. And we still gather every year or two in Myrtle Beach with spouses, and fan the flames of friendship established in weekly meetings between 1991-1999. It’s a rich thing to behold.

I have one “outlier” friend nearby–John Blumberg. Author. Blogger. Business leader. Doesn’t fit in any category except...good friend. We meet 5 to 6 times a year to tell stories, laugh, compare lives, and press into life in challenging ways.

I decided to write about this subject after seeing a recent article in the Wall Street Journal titled, “How to Find and Keep Friends: A Guide for Middle Age.” What does this tell you? It is explained best by the opening line written by the author, Julie Jargon (real name). She writes,“Loneliness is a reality for many of us, now more than ever.” Now there’s a sad commentary!

Her previous column on the subject of loneliness was addressing moms feeling this way in middle age. Her email “box” overflowed with responses. People wanted solutions. And she offered them.

Her eight recommendations come down to this:

For all the strategies, you still have to take initiative—and be vulnerable.

  • Just ask 
  • Be social, minus the media
  • Create a routine
  • Try a friendship matchmaking site
  • Rethink the hangout
  • Book time 
  • Do the little things 
  • Make the first move

Obviously, if these pointers of hers have struck a chord with you, then read her article in the WSJ. (link below)

Her first and 8th points are similar and quite valid. My Pittsburgh group “happened” because I personally took a chance and met with each “prospect” and laid out the plan for our group. A friendship group. I assured meaningful conversation.

It was the same approach I used in starting similar groups in Roseville, California, and Dallas, Texas. Men’s friendship groups. The kind where men talk openly about their lives. Often, deep stuff. Trust me – committing to that kind of involvement is work for many guys.

From these experiences I’ve created my OWN list of friend-building tips. I’ll share those next week. They might be just what you need these days.

Remember this: “Some friends don't help, but a true friend is closer than your own family.” Proverbs 18:24 (CEV)

That’s Forward Thinking. Click on the link to the right to connect via Facebook.

You can find a number of YouTube episodes and podcasts of Mark’s program, Moving People Forward at https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCosyuBzdSh1mXIas_kGY2Aw?

For more information on the Elfstrand Group, please visit www.elfstrandgroup.com

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